I want to write out my thoughts but it turns out I don’t have that many thoughts or at least ones worth translating into writing. I have plenty of thoughts, in fact.
It is so incredibly difficult for me to focus on certain tasks like writing and working on projects that I’ love to work on. I’m so used to information consumption that it feels entirely alient to me to actually produce information and generate thoughts, ideas and create projects. Projects of the intellectual kind, that is. I can build things physically, no problem. That isn’t to say that I’m good at building them but I have no difficulty doing any kind of manual labor and I love to craft, woodwork or lay bricks, but man do I find it difficult to sit down and just write something.
This problem needs to be overcome. As I said earlier, it’s exceedingly easy for me to consume information. I love to read and I can read for hours, but it’s time for me to start creating. I’d love to bring few projects into life and I really oughtta learn to sit down and write up whole bunch of text if I ever want to make it a reality. These projects can’t just live inside of my head. First I need to articulate exactly what I want to build, what is the purpose, who is it for and so on. That means writing a considerable amount and thinking deepy about what and how I write. The fact that these words are publicly available is forcing me to think harder, I like that very much. I have no clue if anyone ever reads this beside me but I’d like to think it’s not an absolute drivel.

Why force yourself to do something that feels uncomfortable?

That’s a good question, I simply can’t go on living like I do now. Actually I can very easily, but it makes me miserable and I don’t like that very much. I want to create and exert as much effort as I can doing it. I don’t want to work a 9-5 where I just do the same thing day after day and then sit at home and consume. I want to break out of this. The one way to achieve it is to become a creator. I won’t lie I am desperately trying to take advantage of the current AI boom and figure out how to best utilize it to my advantage. I really do believe it’s of critical value to harness this technology, and whatever it’s going to become in the future, to best of my ability. I don’t want to be left behind of the curve. Many people are still passive and react only very slowly to the changes in technology which give me somewhat of an edge.
Year ago I’ve did a month-long retraining course on programming in Python provided by the Employment bureau. I’ve successfully finished the course and received a certificate and my hope was to become a developer. Sadly I’ve fallen of the tracks very quickly and instead of immersing myself in it I’ve gradually lost momentum and even though I’ve continued to educate myself in coding for a while, eventually I’ve given up completely, mainly because I’ve landed (somewhat unexpectedly) a decent paying job in an unrelated field.
One of the reasons I’ve not followed throught, probably, was the fact that I’ve felt programming, especially back-end programming is just not my strong suit. Even though I did a decent job at the course and I was frankly one of the better students there it’s just not in my DNA to love coding, at least not to such a degree so that I could become exceptional at it.
I want to think of myself as more of a designer. I could come up with various problems to solve and way to solve them but then I’d exhaust myself on trying to figure out the how to translate those ideas into programming logic.
However, now when we’re well into the age of AI I think it’s possible for someone like me to leverage this technology and actually make something out of it. I need to figure out what and how, because I don’t actually know. And I will not know until I fucking start building something…